I know it's the Super Bowl and that the rest of the nation is tuned in to see the commercials.  On the other hand, I am tuned in to "Toddlers and Tiaras".  I've never actually watched an entire episode until today.  It is, literally, giving me an anxiety attack.

One of the mom's said: "If you're not prepared for a glitz pageant it feels frightening because you're not prepared."  Really.

Did you know that the little girls wear fake nails now too? A Madonna cone-bra dress on a 3 year old?

How about giving 5 year olds coffee on pageant day? Or pixie sticks?  What's next, speed?

One of the judges said that you had to have a "professional" pageant dress to even be considered. 

It's too bad because I was thinking about how refreshing it would be to see a real little girl get up there with all her childish charm and win the contest.

Since when has it been cute or beautiful to be a bratty, snotty little girl who slaps her mom? 

The moms are so obsessed and sometimes mean to their two year olds.  That's irritating.  Also, I find it ironic that the moms are usually overweight and wearing sweats. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not the thinnest and can be found in sweats more often than not, but if I entered Kitty into one of these contests I think my appearance might subconsciously sway the judges one way or another. 

I think I'll turn it to football now, my heart can't handle much more of this insanity.

Hazardous weather day x 2



Like the rest of the country, we have experienced a crazy cold snap here in Colorado.  Everyone knows about the negative temps and the even more negative wind chill, and if you don't, just look on facebook, it's all anyone wants to talk about. But if you haven't looked on facebook, don't worry, you're not missing anything.  Facebook is boring.

Anyway, this is the second day the kids have been out of school.  It is not technically a "snow day" because there is less than an inch of snow.  This a whole different experience.  We're not confined because the snow is too deep to go anywhere.  We're stuck because the air hurts your skin and your snot freezes the second you open the front door. There will be no sending the kids to the sledding hill.  We are truly cooped up (or is it couped up?).

There are those moms who post (back to facebook again) about how much they love having their kids home for snow days.  I love those moms. I love my kids too. I can't get enough of the guilt.

 
In all my days of living here I don't recall ever having a "hazardous weather day".  I remember a week of -20 and below when I was in high school.  I think that was the same year the soda exploded in the van.  Don't get me wrong, I understand the logic behind the decision... I've seen those kids walking to school in a blizzard wearing shorts and no coat...

But today as the sun came out I wondered: "Is it because the administration hates indoor recess so much?"  And who can blame them? It's what I've had for two days-- indoor recess-- and it sucks.



I can't bring myself to do it

I've been trying to decide what to write about because nothing seems that interesting.

I've thought about a whole post on the glamorous aspects of my pregnancies... topics might include:

• acne on my chin, neck, back, scalp...
• the exponential growth of my butt (I said butt- the "b" word Kitty informed me she overheard me say, "you know, it's the only bad word that starts with 'b'?" Boy did I think I slipped up one day.)
• hemorrhoids (admit it-- we all get them when pregnant)
• excessive sweating
• chronic heartburn
• swelling of random body parts, ie. nose, fingers, toes, butt

I've also considered writing about how much I hate the floor plan of my house.  I still might do it, but it sounds kind of boring.

I thought about posting some organization goals and decluttering strategies that I have thought about completing before July, but then I might actually have to accomplish them and be accountable.  So forget that.

Instead I'll just post a picture of my googly eye.

More logic from John...

Last night John and I were talking about making choices after he had viewed a scary video at a friends house.

John: But he's my friend and I trusted him.

Me: If he told you to jump off a cliff would you follow him?

John: Of course because he would bring parachutes.

Duh.

Another argument lost

Last night John was interviewing me about my "career" for homework. 

Q: What is your job title?
A: Archaeologist

Q: Where do you work?

A: At home mostly.

Q: What type of goods or services do you provide?

A: Hmmm... We help preserve history.

John: So you don't provide anything.

Me: No. Yes. It's hard to explain.

John: Well what it MEANS when it says goods and services is that you provide SOMETHING!
Me: Wait a minute! Let me try to explain-

The more I tried the more frustrated he became and the more convinced I was that he was right.

John: Just forget it.  Your job doesn't provide any goods or services that anyone wants.

Maybe the interview should have been on my career as a mother, except he probably would have come to the same conclusion.

The best I can do.

Here's the response to all the suggestions-- and, oh yeah, thanks for caring.

Tommy: I would write on your blog anytime, but I don't know how to animate a llama's mouth to sync with the Humpty Dance.

Jack: As you know, Bill Supah (aka Supa, Soupa) was our version of Art Vandelay.  He was discovered, named, and promoted by Beth.  All I know is that he has really made a name for himself, a name that still appears from time to time.  I also have a vague memory of Bill Supah and a certain sauna. And to those of you who don't know who Art Vandelay is-- for shame!

Korie:  I would write more about my kids if they ever did anything exciting, cute, or noteworthy.  They haven't. We didn't celebrate Christmas this year.

Beth:  Sorry I missed your call, but really, can't you take a hint? If you need to contact me do so through Facebook.

Meri: Thanks for the lengthy list of ideas.  But I'm feeling lazy and so if you want to read about any of that stuff I suggest you start at the beginning of my blog and read through to today.  That should take care of it.

Jennifer: Your list gave me a headache.  Do you even know the latest on textile research?  All I know is S-warp and Z-warp if that's even right. If you want to read about CRM, transportation theories, obsidian sourcing, and core/periphery theory then maybe you should be reading Dr. J's blog.  Although, your list did make me think about writing a post titled, "How to survey 7 access roads in one day".

Jaime: The most annoying thing anyone has said to me since the pregnancy has been, "Congratulations!"  Just kidding.  The only thing I can think of is my feeling that I am too old to be pregnant and how I think that overshadows everyone's comments.  I always feel like when they ask how old my other kids are they assume that I have teenage children and that I am being irresponsible bringing a baby into the world when I am 35. I know it's not true, but that's how my hormones interpret it.

The other day my mom told me she knows why I haven't felt like writing, I've lost my sense of humor. It's true. Life has gotten pretty serious around here.  Seriously nauseating.

A call for papers.

Guess what? 

I've dried up.  My blog is on the verge of death because I lost my touch (again). 

So I just had an idea, it's risky and may backfire on my confidence, but...

Give me a topic.  I'll try to write about it. 

If I get nothing then I'll know you're just as bored with the blog as I am.