Like father like son, part II

Have I mentioned how similar Jared and John are?  You would think they were cut from the same cloth or something (don't worry, they were). 

The latest glaring example is in their tendency to "collect" things.  Or maybe I should say it's in their inability to throw anything away.  Jared recognizes this in himself and now that he sees it in John he feels genetically responsible (which he is). 

I spent the better portion of my afternoon "organizing" John's room.  It involved going through little stashes of odds and ends that he had piled here and there.  Some of the items included magnets, screws, paperclips, rubber bands, rocks, scraps of fabric, pencils, broken erasers, straight pins...

Jared's collections are generally more expensive and include: head lamps, flashlights, knives, guns, ammunition, fishing poles, camping gear, soft-shell jackets, down coats, t-shirts, dress shirts...



This is the cache of items John keeps on the counter where he eats.  



At the end of my effort I had an entire bag full of "trash".  My mistake was leaving the bag in the hallway (at least I tied it, I'm not that stupid).  John noticed it instantly when he got home from school and panicked because he knew it came from his room.  "You KNOW you have to ask me before you throw any of my stuff away!" 

Where have I heard that before? 

Rewind to our move from our first place after we were married.  I married into a major stash and collection of items.  One of these was a collection of at least 30 bottles of cologne.  I soon learned that Jared did not wear cologne and that he had inherited most of his collection from others. Some were several years old.  So... when Jared went to get cold beverages for everyone who was helping us move, I threw the cologne in the trash.  Unfortunately, I was not smart and left the bag open.  When he returned from his errand he saw the trash and panicked-- pulling every last bottle out and replacing them in the box they had originally been packed in. 

My first of several marital garbage lessons.

Weekend update

Jared and I had a fun weekend sans kids.  After we dropped them off with Grammie Saturday we went home and waited around until it was officially after our bedtime and got ready to hit the town.  Adam Carolla was playing at the local Comedy Club, and if you know Jared, then you know he is in love with Adam Carolla.  The last time he was in town we failed to get tickets, but this time we decided not to miss it.

So we changed into our "club" clothes and drove to the venue.  As we got in line to enter, I looked around and realized that contrary to popular belief, Jared and I are NOT club people.  It had been at least ten years since I had gone anywhere like this.  We both just stood there like the typical boring conservative couple.  

We got there at least 40 minutes early but apparently not early enough.  As they herded us in we ended up on the first row of the upper level.  We were squished in like sardines with no leg room.  When Jared had removed a chair that popped out of place the waitress yelled at him, but when he showed her there was no way it would fit back in the row she gave up.  I was practically sitting on the laps of the larger couple to my right.  Then came time to order our "2 item" minimum.  The same snarky waitress practically rolled her eyes when I ordered a $4 coke.

Luckily when the lights went down we relaxed and enjoyed the show.  I think there were a few times when Jared laughed the most of anyone, usually because Adam uses Southern California references that Jared knows all too well. Adam Carolla can complain about anything and usually it's about the same things Jared complains about.

The next day Jared took me out to the shooting range where I practiced shooting my Glock 9mm (aka the home protection weapon).  After watching a few episodes of Top Shot I thought I could hit anything.  I'm not great, but at least I could hit the target most of the time.  I also shot his .38 special revolver and his Les Baer 45.  I liked the revolver the best, but after a while I got tired of shooting.  Jared could spend the whole day out there.

Valentine's Flashback

Last night as I was helping tape Starbursts to cheap Valentine's Day cards I experienced a flashback that explains my anxiety about distributing cards on Valentine's Day.

I was probably in first grade and my mom had bought me a DIY card kit.  I spent hours with little or no help putting those puppies together, only to find that the envelopes didn't actually seal. Remember when Valentine's had envelopes?  So being the resourceful person I am, I grabbed a bottle of glue and glued every single envelope.  I don't think there was even any candy enclosed, but if there were it was probably those Necco Conversation Hearts- Yuck.

When it was time to celebrate in the classroom and everyone was busily opening their cards I remember a boy in the class complaining loudly about not being able to open one.  Another piped up and then another... my glue job was too thorough and no one could pry open their cards.  I sat quietly taking in the frustration of my peers, praying that no one would actually get theirs open to read the painstaking "Alyssa" I placed on each card.

What prompted this flashback?  I don't know, but it had something to do with my stress about taping Starbursts to the cards.  If I taped it on the side of the wrapper that opens the candy, would the kids be able to get to the candy?  Or would the tape be too much and the candy rendered unopenable? I had to take a breath, talk myself down and remind myself that it was just tape.

Not glue.

I know it's the Super Bowl and that the rest of the nation is tuned in to see the commercials.  On the other hand, I am tuned in to "Toddlers and Tiaras".  I've never actually watched an entire episode until today.  It is, literally, giving me an anxiety attack.

One of the mom's said: "If you're not prepared for a glitz pageant it feels frightening because you're not prepared."  Really.

Did you know that the little girls wear fake nails now too? A Madonna cone-bra dress on a 3 year old?

How about giving 5 year olds coffee on pageant day? Or pixie sticks?  What's next, speed?

One of the judges said that you had to have a "professional" pageant dress to even be considered. 

It's too bad because I was thinking about how refreshing it would be to see a real little girl get up there with all her childish charm and win the contest.

Since when has it been cute or beautiful to be a bratty, snotty little girl who slaps her mom? 

The moms are so obsessed and sometimes mean to their two year olds.  That's irritating.  Also, I find it ironic that the moms are usually overweight and wearing sweats. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not the thinnest and can be found in sweats more often than not, but if I entered Kitty into one of these contests I think my appearance might subconsciously sway the judges one way or another. 

I think I'll turn it to football now, my heart can't handle much more of this insanity.

Hazardous weather day x 2



Like the rest of the country, we have experienced a crazy cold snap here in Colorado.  Everyone knows about the negative temps and the even more negative wind chill, and if you don't, just look on facebook, it's all anyone wants to talk about. But if you haven't looked on facebook, don't worry, you're not missing anything.  Facebook is boring.

Anyway, this is the second day the kids have been out of school.  It is not technically a "snow day" because there is less than an inch of snow.  This a whole different experience.  We're not confined because the snow is too deep to go anywhere.  We're stuck because the air hurts your skin and your snot freezes the second you open the front door. There will be no sending the kids to the sledding hill.  We are truly cooped up (or is it couped up?).

There are those moms who post (back to facebook again) about how much they love having their kids home for snow days.  I love those moms. I love my kids too. I can't get enough of the guilt.

 
In all my days of living here I don't recall ever having a "hazardous weather day".  I remember a week of -20 and below when I was in high school.  I think that was the same year the soda exploded in the van.  Don't get me wrong, I understand the logic behind the decision... I've seen those kids walking to school in a blizzard wearing shorts and no coat...

But today as the sun came out I wondered: "Is it because the administration hates indoor recess so much?"  And who can blame them? It's what I've had for two days-- indoor recess-- and it sucks.



I can't bring myself to do it

I've been trying to decide what to write about because nothing seems that interesting.

I've thought about a whole post on the glamorous aspects of my pregnancies... topics might include:

• acne on my chin, neck, back, scalp...
• the exponential growth of my butt (I said butt- the "b" word Kitty informed me she overheard me say, "you know, it's the only bad word that starts with 'b'?" Boy did I think I slipped up one day.)
• hemorrhoids (admit it-- we all get them when pregnant)
• excessive sweating
• chronic heartburn
• swelling of random body parts, ie. nose, fingers, toes, butt

I've also considered writing about how much I hate the floor plan of my house.  I still might do it, but it sounds kind of boring.

I thought about posting some organization goals and decluttering strategies that I have thought about completing before July, but then I might actually have to accomplish them and be accountable.  So forget that.

Instead I'll just post a picture of my googly eye.

More logic from John...

Last night John and I were talking about making choices after he had viewed a scary video at a friends house.

John: But he's my friend and I trusted him.

Me: If he told you to jump off a cliff would you follow him?

John: Of course because he would bring parachutes.

Duh.