Idiot Housekeeping Part 2

Get ready for the next installment of my housekeeping questions that require you to comment with your answers.

I want the truth.

If anyone is like me they want to answer with what an ideal situation would be instead of what is real. In order to be scientifically accurate, I need your reality.

While I was growing up (my sisters can attest to this-- especially Beth, Meri never had chores) one of the worst offenses you could commit would be to take clean clothes out of the dryer and leave them heaped in a basket in the laundry room. This would make our mother furious. She would launch into a tirade about everything being "permanently wrinkled".

Secretly I would always question her logic. Isn't that what an iron is for? How can something be permanently wrinkled if you can iron it, or wash it all over again, thus removing the wrinkles? No article of clothing was ever lost to "permanent wrinkles".

So my questions are:

• How do you deal with clean laundry? Do you fold your clothes as you get them out of the dryer, or do you throw them into a basket to be folded at a different location?


• And if you have children do you make them fold and put away their own clothes?


• When do you do your laundry? Once a week on a specific day, or several times a week?


• How do you sort it?


• Do you do sheets and towels on the same day as clothes, or do they have their own designated day?

I have found that folding right out of the dryer works best for me, but I do spend more time in my creepy laundry room than I would like this way.

p.s. Don't you just love the picture? I found it here.

Mystery Solved!

John informed me tonight at dinner that the reason the Indians (aka Native Americans) who lived in the desert died was because:

"it was too hot for their bald heads."

Three years of graduate school and $30,000 later, I never even considered this possibility.

He went on to explain:

"the one's who survived rode camels to Wyoming. The one's who died traveled by foot and when the year passed they were dead."*

Where was he when I was struggling to write my thesis???

*These are his exact words-- I had to quickly jot a note to myself-- my favorite is "when the year passed..." If you know John, you know he talks like this.

Dichotomy?

I was struck this evening by the seemingly opposite tastes Jared and I have in our television preferences. I was watching "Super Nanny" (which is not my favorite, but what else makes you feel somewhat normal on a Friday night?) when I decided to go downstairs to update my blog. I expected to turn on the TV to watch the conclusion of Jo Jo's miraculous transformation of this week's strange British family. Instead, Jared was recording "Man vs. Wild" and I couldn't change the channel.

At first I laughed thinking of the dichotomy of me watching "Super Nanny" and Jared watching "Man vs. Wild". But then I realized they were only too similar. Learning to deal with your crazy, whining, violent children is not unlike trying to survive in the Alaskan wilderness armed with only chewing gum and a shoestring.

The similarities don't stop there. Jo always seems to whip up a fancy, crafty solution to any problems that arise; Bear Grylls always seems to know which plants, animals and shoestrings he needs to survive. He can fashion a snake trap in two minutes and have a snake to eat (uncooked) in less than three.

***Tangent*** Have you ever noticed that Bear Grylls always manages to eat something raw, sometimes still alive, on every episode? Not only that, but he tends to make the guts squish out all over his chin. I'm sure behind the scenes he's like, "hey guys, I'm going to squish these roach guts all over my face so be sure it's a close up and looks extra gross, oh and be sure to get the crunching chewing sound while I do it."

After an episode with Jo Jo my hope is renewed that my kids aren't that bad and the "naughty chair" might just work after a grueling five hours of repetition.

After watching Bear scramble up and down the rocky slopes, swim through an ice cold river, and finally find civilization Jared thinks he can survive in the wild without a problem. Except Jared would have a gun, two flashlights, a pack of gum, and three knives.

But he would survive.

You wanna piece of my heart?

The best part about a nearly 70 degree day?

Eating lunch on the patio at Costa Vida.

Coming home to hear Loverboy blaring from Bogda's house.

Kitty insisting that since it was so nice out we needed to water the flowers.

Watching as she tried to smell the long gone sunflower.

The worst part?

Knowing it is only January 20.

Spying

Conversation with John on the way to church:

(About a woman walking her dog) "I've seen that lady before."

"You have?"

"Yeah, I think just one time before. Not like the girl at school I see all the time."

"A girl? Do you know her?"

"No but I always see her and spy on her."

"Is she in Kindergarten?"

"No, I think 1^st Grade. I don't know who she is-- I just like to watch her."

"What does she look like?"

"Oh, I don't know, she's just interesting to me."

"Do you want to be her friend?"

"No. I just like watching her."

"Have you ever said 'hi' to, or smiled at her?"

"No. I just watch her and then if she looks at me I look away like I wasn't looking at her.

Like a spy."

Phew!

Ok, so I am still expecting a few more comments on the sock thing, but thank goodness the comments section started working again! I was beginning to think I was really as socially inept as I have always feared.

I have totally learned something from you and your socks. The basket in the closet for single socks—smart! The lingerie—crazy! One drawer for everything—daring! No jammies—liar!

Thanks for being my friends, I love learning from you!

Dissed

Ok, I get it. Everyone is too embarrassed to admit that they have more than four drawers of socks and no where to put their pajamas. So much for my dreams of a best-seller!

Socks, t-shirts, and jammies

I have a few questions: Where do you keep your socks? How about your t-shirts or pajamas?

I'm serious. I want everyone to answer these questions for me. These are the first of a series of questions I plan on asking in order to collect data imperative to my sanity. I want to know how everyone else solves the mundane issues of keeping house.

You think it's a joke. It's not. I will be fascinated by your answers.

As I was moving laundry today (notice the constant theme) I started thinking about the millions of socks I have to deal with (mainly Jared's). I am not kidding when I say that Jared has literally three FULL drawers of socks. I have one, but choose to wear only about 4 or 5 pairs on a regular basis. The thought occurred to me, how many is too many? What is "normal"?

Then I started to fold t-shirts. Not just Jared's, but mine and John's as well. How many t-shirts does one really need? Jared and I are not regular t-shirt wearing people. Jared will put one on as a base layer, and I wear one to clean, or lounge around in. We have two drawers stuffed with various t-shirts. How many do you have?

AND THEN I started folding my pajamas and thought to myself, "Where do these go?" My pj's don't have a designated place and that is a big problem. As I finished stuffing Jared's lounge wear into a misc. drawer I realized that his jammies don't have a designated spot either. This may be the whole crux of the problem. Do pj's need a specific drawer? Maybe some socks need to give way for items of equal importance.

Bear in mind that my closet is from 1978, which means it has accordion doors and is not in the least anything that resembles "walk-in". I will be tackling the closet next, but for now, I need to find a home for everything folded.

So either comment with your answers or let me know somehow. Who knows, I might eventually publish a handbook called, "The Idiot's Housekeeping Companion: Revised and Updated for 2010".

Busted.

Remember the catsup (ketchup) packets I threw away? I guess I also threw out the chili seasoning packets from Wendy's at the same time. Guess who was distraught looking for them today? Yep, Jared, the one who saves them.

As much as I love Jared, he is a tried and true pack-rat. He is the quintessential Boy Scout. Being prepared means having at least three of everything. It can drive me absolutely insane. I do have to admit, however, that there have been times when his ultra-preparedness has come in handy. Like the time I was pregnant with John and totally nauseated. We were on a drive somewhere beyond civilization and he pulled over, opened the trunk and got out an Army MRE (meal ready to eat) for me to snack on. It really helped the nausea.

He always has things tucked away just in case you might need them. Like dry socks under the seat in the truck. Crazy, or smart? His pockets are always filled to the brim with "supplies". He brags about the time the power went out at the hospital and he was the envy of everyone with his head lamp. If you need Chapstick, Tylenol, baby wipes, change for the payphone, a pocket knife, a flashlight (or three), candy, a magazine (or eight) to read, a magazine (or eight) to shoot, tape, or an I.V. just check his bag that he carts back and forth to work. I swear it weighs at least 20 lbs.

Did you catch my ammunition reference? Don't get me started. When the world comes to an end you will find my family holed up in our little house with ammo caches in every window sill. Ammunition, he says, is our food storage. Don't be too quick to judge-- he grew up in L.A., served a year in Iraq, and therefore, likes his guns. And who knows, maybe they will come in handy when we have to eat a raccoon at the end of the world.

I love Jared. It is his idiosyncrasies that make me smile and appreciate him. When he was in Iraq I missed them. I would have gladly sorted his right and left socks just to have him home again.

How embarrassing

I just asked Jared if he ever looks at our blog. He just smiled and said it was too embarrassing that I even dare to blog about out life. I told him I like it and he just walked away shaking his head. Maybe I should start writing something that REALLY would embarrass him.

A picture of me

Gotta write an essay, that's what I say

I am really great at talking myself out of doing something I find undesirable, or even something I find desirable but that requires a little extra time and effort. I can find a good distraction anywhere. Forgive the following lame analogy but since we didn't forbid Spongebob soon enough I now have every episode memorized. I am literally Spongebob trying to write his essay. He cleans his kitchen, calls a friend, gets distracted by everyone playing outside, falls asleep, and eventually writes the essay at the very last minute. That's me.

I have a whole slew of things I thought I would accomplish once John went to full-day Kindergarten. That was back in August. The only thing I accomplished on that list is painting Kitty's room and since it took me an entire week (don't ask) I have avoided starting John's room. But really the truth is I haven't done John's room yet because I haven't cleaned, gone through everything, and reorganized. So there I am, stuck because before I dedicate my time to his room I need to do the dishes and catch up on the laundry. I think that is the explanation for everything I haven't accomplished-- the dishes and the laundry.

So here's my wish list that I am going to really try to accomplish. I just need to bite the bullet and get started... after I clean the kitchen.

Finish the breakfast bar in my kitchen
Replace counter top in kitchen
Retile entryway
Tile kids bathroom
Paint bathroom cabinet
Paint TV cabinet
Paint John's room
Paint hallway
Trim the kitchen

That's doable, right? We also need to redo our downstairs bathroom, but I think that might be more than I can do on my own. I'll have to see if Bogda is busy...

Simple minded

I think the birds outside my window today knew a little more about the weather than Kathy Sabine.


I sat down yesterday and decided to strategize this whole simplicity thing. I was writing all my goals, how I could schedule out my day, what to accomplish when, how to be done in less than 4 months with everything, and so on. I almost blew my own mind, not in a good way. So much for simplicity. I was trying to convince myself that complicated was the way to go. I was trying to convince myself that I needed a "system" or a "program" to stick to, that I couldn't figure out how to simplify my surroundings on my own.

So there I sat, overwhelmed. If I went through and organized/purged a specific area of my house every week it would take me four months to get it all finished. That was daunting to me. It nearly paralyzed me. That's what happens, I get overwhelmed, and then I stop. It's like I can't move forward.

Then I remembered Jared telling me to take "Baby Steps" (you know, What About Bob?). So here are my baby step goals:

1. Go through and do a general clean up before I leave the house (baby steps clean up the house, baby steps do a load of wash).


2. Declutter/organize at least one thing a day (baby steps go through the junk drawer, baby steps throw away the fast food catsup packages your crazy husband keeps "just in case").

That's it for now and I'm feeling pretty good about it.

More Polish food...

New Year's Eve at Bogda's was a feast. I took pictures of the spread so Elise could reminisce and imagine the smells from her stint in Russia. Of course Bogda made enough food for at least 200 people but only invited 12. I didn't get pictures of the huge pots of beans and a sauerkraut type dish that she had been storing outside in the cold until everyone arrived. She made us all come back the following evening for dinner (you can't say no to Bogda). Yesterday she sent me home with three more dishes full of food. I've never had so much cabbage in my entire life. It's all pretty good, if not a nice change of pace. I have yet to make dinner this year- I can't complain!

Cabbage rolls, aka Golabki

Pirogy, stuffed with meat and rice, or potato and cheese

Yum! Kitty loves pirogy!

Tidbits

I am copying again. I liked a list that my friend Elise included a month or so ago, and since I have no other inspiration to write anything I am going to write my list. Here are some little known tidbits about me.

1. I envisioned myself as a mother being like Donna Reed, June Cleaver, and Marion Cunningham. I still aspire to wear a shirt dress every day and have cookies and milk for my kids when they get home from school.
2. I don't always wash my face before bed. I used to do this religiously and then I had children.
3. Along the same vein, I have a new habit of wearing the same outfit twice in a row. It really helps that decision of what to wear in the morning if you already decided the day before.
4. I rarely fix my own plate of breakfast or lunch. I just nibble off my kid's plates. It is to the point where I have to sneak a bite before John notices and yells at me.
5. I once believed living the life of Daisy from The Great Gatsby was more suited to me than living in a tent in the desert (which was what I was doing at the time).
6. I am in denial that my hair is actually dark. I was blond when I was 6.
7. I was a Thespian in High School.
8. I bite my children. I can't help it, I have to nibble their cheeks and now Kitty asks to bite mine.
9. I once thought falling off the top bunk and breaking my arm would be a better alternative than taking the final test in my Fencing class (I didn't do it).
10. I always dreaded Field Day, especially any relay races. I had serious anxiety about it.
11. I am an NPR junkie. I look forward to "Wait, wait, don't tell me" and "This American Life" every week. In a different life I would be a contributor on both programs and I would be best friends with Ira Glass, Sarah Vowel, and Moe Rocca.
12. The Jerky Boys crack me up every time.
13. In high school I scored a basket for the other team.
14. As a child I thought beige VW beetles were the same color as chewed Trident gum.
15. I was a thumb sucker until just before 4th grade.
16. I tried to learn how to spit like a boy, thank heavens I couldn't figure it out.
17. My recurring dream involves a man in a top hat flushing me down the toilet.